the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
