I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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