that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
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we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
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