i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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