No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
