i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
