I was born with a shot glass in my hand
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize