I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
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