Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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