It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
