yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
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Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
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How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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