True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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