I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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