their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize