Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Rumble strips road head = magical
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
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