what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
