and she was petting her beer can
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
