I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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