You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
