Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
