I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
