She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
