I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
