So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
