I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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