Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
