do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
