Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
