question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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