I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
