Fuck appropriateness.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
3 2 1 whiskey
i believe in u and ur pee
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
