I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
