my room smells like sperm. sweet.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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