I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
