That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
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It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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