Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
