I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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