...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
