thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
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