Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
