I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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