I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Randomize
