Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Randomize
