his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
