My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
