I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
