dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
