Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
