Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
