____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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