And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
