But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
