4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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