idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
