Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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