were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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