I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
