Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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