There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
