I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
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