two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Randomize
