so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
