He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Randomize
