Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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