I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
His hands were made for my vagina.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
