At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
