Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
