One girl and one boy is just not enough.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
