Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
