I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
