I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
