also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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