Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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