I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
