they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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