Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize