we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
