can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
