I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize