I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
