I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
