Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
