I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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