You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
