I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
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He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
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I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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